There are people that I can't help but admire. The ones that can take a step back and see what has happened. February 8th. Bell's Let's Talk Day.

As much as I wished it were a liberating realization, it really isn't. The gradual downfall, the diminishing of our smiles and your love. You've stopped caring. And as much as I wished you could see for yourself what you've started, you're too caught up with yourself to understand that your fear has changed you. It has made you angrier, frustrated with how things aren't going your way, maddened by not being able to be happy as you so aptly put it.

You've made the people around you feel like they mean nothing. Like they're the cause of all your pain and suffering. And the irony is... I'm the one that has the broken heart. And yet... that obviously pales in comparison with how much you have to go through.

You used to evoke such happiness within me. That inert feeling of being joyous. The smile that naturally goes onto my face whenever you pop into my mind. The way my heart feels like bursting whenever you're affectionate. And I know... I used to do that for you. How you used to text me throughout the night. How you used to have that twinkle in your eye while you grinned at me. How you used to jump onto me and let me carry you around. How you always turned your cheek towards me so I could peck you.

You were afraid that we were so involved in each others' lives. You made your choice. You pushed. Told this person to not trust you, told them that true friends would not make you feel a certain way. And somehow... it's ok when others are made to feel that way...? Instead of just letting things be, and just enjoying being with one another, you let your guilt dictate your every move. You let how you felt as a person spill into your actions. You let me take the fire for you not feeling like a good person. And as I sit there listening to how sad I make you, how angry I make you and how much you want to be happy but I'm not letting you do so... all I can wonder is... how did it get to this state? As the crack deepens, I wonder when you'll start listening to your conscience. You say it's a matter of time... but why are you letting it happen.

You're intense because you're frustrated. But don't... use me as a scapegoat for the choices you've made. For breaking hearts, for your refusal to listen to your conscience, for your pride, for holding on to all your fear and letting anger cover it up. For forgetting things that are important to me, the same things that you've asked of me before. My wish that one day you'll know to not be all absorbed in yourself to see how much certain things really mean to me. To hear all those promises... and to have it be my fault that it wasn't important enough for you to remember. Or have you turn back against your word.

I hope that one day... your heart will soften again. That you will stop being afraid. There is no shame in that. There is shame in being afraid and placing yourself under a shell of anger and cynicism. Your inability and refusal to deal with the realization of who you have become will become an even greater burden. You tell me about how you'll be alone, about how you'd rather that anyhow and whatnot. And even though you don't respect it nor do you understand it, and how uncomfortable it makes you feel, I tell you with all honesty from my heart "you won't ever be alone... you have a Rubby you see... someone that loves you unconditionally and will unfortunately place their own happiness second because happiness without yours is not happiness at all"

No lies, just love.

And I do, I do love you.