plugin&play
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If you let me, I'd show you how to build your fences
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Sunday, December 04, 2011, 9:52 PM Taz
I miss our banter. How you used to text me all the time, asking me how my day was and what I was up to. And I can't hold it against you... that's how you honestly felt at that time, and I grew to look forward to hearing from you, cause it made me feel like I was on your mind and it put a smile on my face. Again, I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, I just want you to take it for what its worth... the realization that yes, that's the feeling you get when you hear from someone you really like. And I get sad when you say certain things... because it makes me wonder if you realize how it sounds to me. Because I wonder if you remember how it felt to have someone that you cared so much about take a step back from you and move on. Because if you do... why do you get angry when I'm trying to explain to you that's how I feel. When I'm trying to tell you that I miss the person that I got to know. The one who asked me to be her Valentines' a year in advance. The one who said I was on a 2-week trial that kept getting extended. The one who was always quick to give me a squeeze and flash a smile as she was running by. The days at which we would wish one another good night and good morning whilst being excited to see each other later. The days where you would rush back just to go for a run with me or whatnot. You made me feel... special and it made me love you more. Funny how it became my downfall. Somewhere along the lines... we diverged. Because we didn't communicate and kept letting things slide. Pain is the fast track to resentment... and then we forget to take a step back and remember what made it work because we're angry. And it's strange because, before, I would text you with no hesitation, just asking what you were up to or just to show you that you were on my mind, but there's hesitation now. Always wondering if you're just bothering her or if she thinks you're just checking up on her when all you wanted was to say hi. You would always jump on me and we had fun being together. Now there's a cloud. More hesitation, more uncertainty... and fear. And then we wonder... when it stopped being important enough to work through. Starting to be afraid of showing that I love you. Starting to remind myself to bite my tongue when the smile tugs at me and I just want to tell you how much I care about you. Yet... every time I do that... it makes me sad and my smile goes away. Because when I do... you get sad... or you give me that look... and though I keep coming back after all the rejection... it does get a little harder each day. And I don't want you to feel like I'm punishing you... or for you to feel guilt. I guess... all I really want to know... is where it all went. Because those were all good memories to me, it makes me sad as it reminds me how much I miss it. And it makes me wonder... why? There was once you told me that you realized that you needed me and that made you want things to change. And it always felt like... I was being punished... but I wasn't quite sure why. I miss the girl that's now hiding within. The one who's not afraid of being loved. Because fear leads to anger... and that leads to more pain. |
thedeceptionist
While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive.Taz. 24. Current SFU-er. Tendency to be odd. Does not believe in conflict. Committed, in love and heartbroken. <3 theillustionist
Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.Tzen. 24. February 24th. Hyperactive, but adorable Nottingham grad. Workaholic! |
partnersincrime
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theventingmachine
Some opportunities only come once, seize them. If you don't like something, change it. Life is short, so don't live in the shadows of your fears. |