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If you let me, I'd show you how to build your fences
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Tuesday, December 27, 2011, 1:12 AM Taz
Push me away when I need you there the most. It's not like it matters to me. Ignore it when I show you affection. It's not like it breaks my heart into pieces. Let there be tears. It's not like I wish you were willing to do anything about them. Run away. Like you always do. It's because you have yet to learn and understand. You're starting to slowly lose me... because as much as I want it. I've never felt like you were willing to face up. I'm there when you need me, there when you don't. I'm there waiting when you're mad, because once you cool down, you need hugs, and when you walk away from me, I would chase you, even if whenever I walked away... it was a struggle because it felt like you would never come after me, and regardless of how stressed or tired I was, when you needed me, I'd automatically go into "love you" mode. Too often, you get distracted and you forget that I'm right there. And my head goes "seriously? I'm right here." So I cry. And I know the whole "be strong, etc etc." speech. But... this is how much I love you. This is how much you mean to me. This is how much I wanted us to work. This is how hard I worked at it, how hard we worked at it. This was how patient I was and always will be. And it's ridiculous, because here you have, someone who would do anything for you. Anything. And that's my flaw, because in no way does that mean you have to reciprocate. Which is why even if it breaks me so much, and even though I know all about your quirks and how cold you can be when you get cornered... I would still do the same for you. I would still stupidly wish that you would come back to me. Let me initiate all the time. It's not like it would make me so happy to have you do so. Let me reach out whenever either of us are hurt. My love is and always will be greater than my pride. Let me do all those things. It's not like it makes me feel like an effin' idiot nor a bloody carpet right? RIGHT?! But you know what makes me even more so frustrated? That even though I knew all this and I always did, I would never change anything if I had to do it a second time. Stupidity at its best. So I ask myself time and time again. Why is it that I keep going to her. Why is it that when I'm down and when I'm crying my eyes out, why is it that she's the first person that I want to turn to and the only person whom I want to have holding me? And why is it... that I still have so much faith in her... So why is it... that I still love her so. You know... you really do mean a lot to me... |
thedeceptionist
While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive.Taz. 24. Current SFU-er. Tendency to be odd. Does not believe in conflict. Committed, in love and heartbroken. <3 theillustionist
Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.Tzen. 24. February 24th. Hyperactive, but adorable Nottingham grad. Workaholic! |
partnersincrime
A Krysie B Qin C Duckie D Chee E sY F Theo G Lesley H Kenny Sia wheni'mgone
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theventingmachine
Some opportunities only come once, seize them. If you don't like something, change it. Life is short, so don't live in the shadows of your fears. |