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If you let me, I'd show you how to build your fences
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Thursday, August 30, 2012, 9:56 PM Taz
It's hard being in all these situations where I still wished she were a part of and then remembering, no. How much more can a heart break before it stops caring. Sometimes... I feel like I'm getting close. I... don't want anyone to be close to me. Not anymore. And it's not even a conscious choice, I just don't want people around me. Unless of course they're people I know whom won't get attached. Was practising a form that day... and... I just felt so... discouraged... and lonely. I couldn't remember it, and she was the first and only person that came to mind. And it used to be, whenever we had problems, we had each other. And now, because of everything we're going through, we don't. Asking would remind her... not that I could ask because I annoy her and spending time with her somehow always results in me being an "oh poor victim". It is difficult. As hard as it is for me, it is for her. The person I want to go to... I can't. So... the only thing I can do is to hold it in and suppress the despair it makes me feel. And the worst thing is wanting an outlet, needing one but not being able to just release. The tears don't ever dry up... but I've been trying to exhaust myself, and being tired allows me to not focus on it. I feel... colder these days. Definitely been tainted a bit. I've learnt how hard it is to have someone you just met to come up to you and tell you that they've never met someone as warm or nice as you are and they'd love to just stay and chat. To hear people say "I can tell that you're a happy person". So why is it... that I just feel so dead inside? Too many memories... that haunt me when I close my eyes. I'm not sure how long till it won't make me feel this way when I'm asked about it, or when it comes up. It is true... you wouldn't know how it feels until you've loved someone that much. To be replaced, and to see it, hear it, and know it, how much that kills a heart... how much it kills a person. To be compared to someone that you ended up hating and whom you no longer talk to, to be called all those things... and all one can do is stay there and take it, and let it chip away at you a little bit more. Why miss someone that doesn't miss you anymore... |
thedeceptionist
While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive.Taz. 24. Current SFU-er. Tendency to be odd. Does not believe in conflict. Committed, in love and heartbroken. <3 ![]() theillustionist
Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.Tzen. 24. February 24th. Hyperactive, but adorable Nottingham grad. Workaholic! |
partnersincrime
A Krysie B Qin C Duckie D Chee E sY F Theo G Lesley H Kenny Sia wheni'mgone
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theventingmachine
Some opportunities only come once, seize them. If you don't like something, change it. Life is short, so don't live in the shadows of your fears. |