*FENCES

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fences

Let there be trust

To know that you will be caught

Let the fences begone

To allow for all that is to come

plugin&play Music saves our souls
If you let me, I'd show you how to build your fences navigations are the fours lines of lyrics. they are profile, entries, tagboard and links navigations respectively (from the top).	Saturday, September 01, 2012, 1:40 AM Taz There's only that much you can do to distract yourself from how much you're truthfully hurting. There's only that much you can exhaust yourself before everything just crashes around you. And then you feel all alone, you miss her, and you just want someone to tell you that it'll be ok, but not just anyone, just her... just her. And all those days where you've forgotten what it felt like to just bawl your eyes out because you've done all you can in your attempts to stay strong. All that's forgotten when you remember... when you remember all that has happened. When you remember being replaced, being chosen over, wanting so much for that person to love you back. And you ask yourself, when will the heartbreak end... when will it start to feel normal again. I've detached. Apologized to people for not wanting to be attached... not anymore. I don't... want to go through that again. Not the pain... nor the heartache... nor watching the person you love, love someone else. Someone once told me... you never know how much something hurts until you truly love someone. And though you want them to be happy... deep down, you'll always be sad. And at times like these... I remember... I remember hurting so much and just wishing they were there to keep me safe. Then having them tell you that you don't need that, and that they're angry at you, and that they can't believe you're doing that to them. Hearing all that, and feeling... all alone. Having them look at you with that disappointed look. The "I'm fed up with you" look. Just having them so frustrated at you that they blow up and continuously say things that break you into pieces. ... and that is what I remember. That feeling of despair, of being unwanted, and I don't want to anymore... too much pain... and you just pray that maybe one day you won't wake up, and it'll all end... Thursday, August 30, 2012, 9:56 PM Taz Went to give blood today. Walked by where we had a demo a year ago, and all of a sudden, overcome with sadness. It's really... difficult... going to all these places again... remembering her, being with her, and knowing that it's not feasible to have it back again. It's hard being in all these situations where I still wished she were a part of and then remembering, no. How much more can a heart break before it stops caring. Sometimes... I feel like I'm getting close. I... don't want anyone to be close to me. Not anymore. And it's not even a conscious choice, I just don't want people around me. Unless of course they're people I know whom won't get attached. Was practising a form that day... and... I just felt so... discouraged... and lonely. I couldn't remember it, and she was the first and only person that came to mind. And it used to be, whenever we had problems, we had each other. And now, because of everything we're going through, we don't. Asking would remind her... not that I could ask because I annoy her and spending time with her somehow always results in me being an "oh poor victim". It is difficult. As hard as it is for me, it is for her. The person I want to go to... I can't. So... the only thing I can do is to hold it in and suppress the despair it makes me feel. And the worst thing is wanting an outlet, needing one but not being able to just release. The tears don't ever dry up... but I've been trying to exhaust myself, and being tired allows me to not focus on it. I feel... colder these days. Definitely been tainted a bit. I've learnt how hard it is to have someone you just met to come up to you and tell you that they've never met someone as warm or nice as you are and they'd love to just stay and chat. To hear people say "I can tell that you're a happy person". So why is it... that I just feel so dead inside? Too many memories... that haunt me when I close my eyes. I'm not sure how long till it won't make me feel this way when I'm asked about it, or when it comes up. It is true... you wouldn't know how it feels until you've loved someone that much. To be replaced, and to see it, hear it, and know it, how much that kills a heart... how much it kills a person. To be compared to someone that you ended up hating and whom you no longer talk to, to be called all those things... and all one can do is stay there and take it, and let it chip away at you a little bit more. Why miss someone that doesn't miss you anymore... Thursday, July 12, 2012, 11:17 PM Taz She's gone. The one who's been with me for the past 2 years. The one who he said to stick together with. The one whom had a mutual support group with me. Whom I shared my fears with. The same person who's broken my heart. Who's dragged it across the ground countless times and left me there to pick it up myself. The person who has been going through so much that I have no right to still be as broken and lonely as I feel these days. Stay strong. For everyone around you. And when it's all over, go crawl into a corner and remind yourself to breathe. That's how it feels. Have had to distract myself constantly. Playing lots of ball, sleeping minimally. The more exhausted I am, the less chances of contemplation. Suppressing how I feel is just... draining. And I come home wanting to just cry in a ball every day. Mom asked me today... "you've stopped being happy about going to classes haven't you." How to tell her that I've been sad about going to classes since last year. That I'd go, and just feel horrible about having to see people I would rather not see. I'd go and see that I've been replaced. I'm not doing well. The wanderlust has struck as I yearn to just run away... sleep is overrated.... Thursday, May 31, 2012, 10:14 AM Taz Sometimes... I wake up and I can't shake this feeling off. The feeling of just plain wishing that things were different. That things were the same again. I wish to bring back the happier times... the easy laughs and smiles. The wanting to be with one another and the unconditional love. It's hard looking at someone, and wanting them back in your life so much, that it physically hurts. Because while they make you and your heart smile, you're reminded that things are different and that's something that though you look past, they can't. And then I'm just sad. Sad being reminded that they no longer love me like they used to. Sad knowing that one day, I stand to lose them completely because they don't seem to see what I see. Sad seeing how hesitant... how uncomfortable this girl who once treated me like an extension of herself is with me now. Then I remember the times at which she would invite me to everything with her. Not because she had to... but because she genuinely wanted to spend it with me. One can't really explain how elated you can feel when someone brings you into their life like that and shares it with you. And then... one day it's gone. But yet... I would still do that for her. Because though she no longer feels the same... she's still the person that I would like to be able to share my experiences with. I remember waiting for each other in the mornings. I remember wanting to do so just because. I remember butterflies, excitement. And now... now all I can do is put on a fake smile and tell myself that it's ok that she's moved on. And today... today I tell myself that I will survive the day. The optimist in me believes in soul mates. People who are driven back to each other no matter how hard the situation. The first person that you think about when you're having fun or the first person you wished would come when you're sad. The person whose mere presence makes you feel secure. And there have been days... in which I wished I didn't feel that way about her. There are days in which I'm so sad and angry that I don't think I can do it anymore. Kim told me once... "with people I don't like, it's not that they're bad people... they just bring me down and I choose to not be around them". So what happens when you're put in a situation where you have to work with someone whom you feel so strongly against, there have been days you wished they never existed? Friday, May 25, 2012, 1:15 AM Taz And I'm glad you got to meet her. Even if it's probably going to be the one and only time. And I'm glad you both loved each other. These are things that make me smile. One of the things I really wanted to do was have my family meet her. To let them see the person I fell in love with and have them see for themselves, why I did fall. To have them meet her with nothing but the best having been said, with all conversations about her ending up with that smile that I couldn't just wipe off. But every time I walked away, I just felt empty. I just feel like breaking down because I knew that everything had changed. I knew that she had changed, and I knew that things were different. Nothing like feeling like you caused everything that had happened when realistically... that was all your own undoing. To be reminded every day that she has a goal in plan and the only way to do so is to sacrifice. And it's hard to swallow when you're one of the sacrifices. If it's important enough, you find a way. And thus... I know I'm not important enough, and that's something I have to come to terms with. Only certain people get to meet the fam'. Meet them and actually get to know them and not just in passing. And so far... you've been the only person that meant that much to me. And you just don't see it. Everything's an assault with you... but you just... don't see it. You didn't see how important it was to me to not have to feel like all this just resolved you needing to get away from me especially after I brought you into the family like that. You didn't see how I hated how much you could just justify everything you did and make it seem that it was ok. I will not go remembering how poorly I treated the people in my life.			thedeceptionist While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive. Taz. 24. Current SFU-er. Tendency to be odd. Does not believe in conflict. Committed, in love and heartbroken. <3 theillustionist Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one. Tzen. 24. February 24th. Hyperactive, but adorable Nottingham grad. Workaholic!		partnersincrime A Krysie B Qin C Duckie D Chee E sY F Theo G Lesley H Kenny Sia wheni'mgone + June 2006 + October 2006 + May 2007 + April 2008 + May 2008 + June 2008 + October 2008 + November 2008 + December 2008 + January 2009 + February 2009 + September 2009 + March 2010 + April 2010 + May 2010 + June 2010 + July 2010 + August 2010 + October 2010 + December 2010 + February 2011 + May 2011 + July 2011 + August 2011 + September 2011 + October 2011 + November 2011 + December 2011 + January 2012 + February 2012 + March 2012 + April 2012 + May 2012 + July 2012 + August 2012 + September 2012 takeabow designer: venom ous inspiration: ++		theventingmachine Some opportunities only come once, seize them. If you don't like something, change it. Life is short, so don't live in the shadows of your fears.